Wake Up Jeff!

Ok, so the Wiggles are outside the scope of what normally is considered Rock, but I've got a two year old that will punch you in the nose if you say they aren't cool. And hey, Murray is the self-proclaimed "King of Guitar." It seems that Jeff is no stranger to the rock 'n roll lifestyle either, whether he's wandering around aimlessly in "Where's Jeff?" or he's coping with the side effects of a Slaughter inspired "up all night sleep all day" philosophy, Jeff clearly puts a strain on the rest of the Wiggles who sometimes wonder if he'll even be ready for the afternoon show. Maybe Jeff's naps are just the root of a bigger problem, let's take a look. Wake up, Jeff, everybody’s wiggling Wake up, Jeff, we really need you Wake up, Jeff; you’re missing all the fun now Wake up, Jeff, before the days through Excessive sleep could be a sign of manic depression. Where does depression hurt? Who does depression hurt? How does depression hurt? The drug pushers of Eli Lilly's Cymbalta would certainly like Jeff to ask himself these questions while listening to mournful string music. They've also given us this nifty self-assessment checklist on their website so we can diagnose ourselves and tell our doctors what medications we need. Let's apply some of these to the life of our friend Jeff.Self-Assessment Depression ChecklistI don't enjoy hobbies, leisure activities or time with friends and family anymore. No, it's still pure joy that's on Jeff's face when he's jamming out on that accordion with his bros.I'm sleeping too much. Duh!Digestive problems No, that's Anthony. Don't even get me started on his compulsive eating problem...Vague aches and pains (e.g., joint or muscle pains) Well isn't that true for everybody? Let's not get carried away here people!People have commented on my mood or attitude lately. I really can't think of a more likeable guy than Jeff.My weight has changed considerably. Actually, I've often marveled at how fit that Jeff and the other Wiggles are. What are those guys, like in their 40s? I guess all of that wiggling really burns some calories.I've thought about suicide. Are you kidding me? He's a millionaire, and he's adored by children and moms all over the world. How could life get any better than that?I've had several of the symptoms I checked above for more than two weeks. Nope. Whew, so I guess Jeff isn't depressed at all.What’s that sound?I can hear somebody snoring What’s that sound? It's not Murray or Greg Anthony’s awake, so let’s have another guess now Oh my goodness, it must be Jeff So why is Jeff sleeping while Anthony is stuffing his pie hole with fruit salad? Maybe he's got narcolepsy. According to WebMD , "Narcolepsy is a neurological disorder that affects the control of sleep and wakefulness. People with narcolepsy experience excessive daytime sleepiness and intermittent, uncontrollable episodes of falling asleep during the daytime. These sudden sleep attacks may occur during any type of activity at any time of the day." That's it! With narcolepsy people can just dose off at anytime and go strait into a deep REM sleep. It's in REM sleep that we can experience dreams and muscle paralysis. No wonder they don't let Jeff drive the big red car! Wake up, Jeff, everybody’s wiggling Wake up, Jeff, we really need you Wake up, Jeff; you’re missing all the fun now Wake up, Jeff, before the days through Dorothy the dinosaur is munching on some roses Wags the Dog is digging up bones Henry the Octopus is dancing round in circles Wake up Jeff; we need you for the show Now I wonder if Dorothy, Wags, and Henry are even real, or are they just some of Jeff's narcoleptic hallucinations...Keep wiggling!

- Uncle Mitch